Acceptance

There have been 759 days that have passed since my Father did the same on 7/12/2014. Not once in those 759 days have I not thought of him. No one can be prepared for what the death of a loved one will do to an individual’s mental state and how it manifests in each person’s life is as unique to that person as their fingerprints. According to psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, there are 5 stages of grief:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

So, I suppose that I would have gone through each of these, maybe even in this order. The one I hate the most? Acceptance. There was a long time where I couldn’t even say the word “dad” without getting choked up. Lately I have allowed myself to talk about him more and I am always surprised that I’m able to do so without my voice starting to shake and/or my lip starting to quiver. I don’t like Acceptance. I don’t like being able to talk about him without shedding real tears. I don’t even like writing this without having to stop multiple times prior to signing off.

Of course, I can do without the Depression piece, but the first three stages I understand. I’m still in denial some days. I’m still angry and I still wrestle with the idea that maybe we could have done more as a family to prevent this from happening (bargaining). But accepting that he’s gone and not coming back and that I need to cope with that is not a stage that I ever wanted to get used to.

I guess that leaves me with just trying to accept the Acceptance stage, which is an odd notion. This was my first step towards that.

Yes & No: Nonversations

My brother Dave and I have been writing songs together for a couple years now according to the Voice Memos app on my phone. I have been writing music since I was about 13 years old but it has pretty much always been just guitar parts. We decided that we wanted to create music purely for the sake of being creative having something we could be proud of. It was always meant to be something we did just for us. No rules, just whatever came out we would run with. Well, once we started doing this we started really liking what was coming out and decided to keep it going.

I have found that writing with Dave is pretty easy in that we are on the same wavelength most of the time. It might be the blood thing but we can churn songs out pretty quickly once we have the basic jist of the song down. He has a ton of lyrics that are sitting there ready to be put to music and I am helping out here and there when I can.

We decided, after playing some of our songs at the now legendary PlanoEast reunion show, that we should try and record them whenever we are in the same city together. One of our good friends, Devan, decided to offer up his time and engineering/producing skills to help us out. We were all in Nashville a couple weeks ago making music, which is always my favorite thing to do. Being creative musically/artistically with people I care about and who are good at what they do is where I wanna be. Dave is a great singer and an even better writer. Devan is an amazing guitarist/songwriter who has a great ear for making songs sound as good as they possibly can. We laughed a lot and made music we can be proud of. It's going to be mostly acoustic driven but we are going to try and get as weird as we can with some of the songs production-wise in order be different and just have fun with it.

We are calling the band "Yes & No". This name won out just barely by 2 votes over JC/DC. The EP (or LP depending on how many songs we get to put down) will be called Nonversations. The first three songs that have been recorded are as follows:

1. Means to a Beginning
2. This Old Town
3. Tell Me You Love Me

We are proud of this stuff and can't wait to start letting people hear it. So, in order to stay up to date on this stuff, you can follow us on twitter @yesandnomusic or on facebook at facebook.com/yesandnomusic.

This is a Capozzi family affair - Mike has been creating logos for us (see top of this post) and Tim was involved in some of the writing of "Tell Me You Love Me". Also of note, Joe and Ellen made us.

This pedal was inspired by this new musical adventure. In order to stay positive, "No" was not included.

*custom JHS TS9 + Mr. Magic (boost)

New Music - It's Not You, It's Me.

This fall was going to be a very exciting one for me because 4 of my favorite bands came out with new albums (Yes, I still call them albums. You don't?) in a span of a couple months. This rarely happens. Needless to say, I was pretty excited about this and I was at the point where I was actually listening to Nashville radio stations because I was sick of all the music I owned. By the way, if you live in Nashville you know how powerful a statement that was. Worst radio stations ever...this is not up for debate.

Here are the albums in order of release date in 2011...

First up was Gungor's follow up to Beautiful Things with Ghosts Upon the Earth. Now, I really liked Beautiful Things. I could listen to it all the way through while only having the urge to skip one or two songs along the way. It was the first album I owned by them but it made me excited for more. I even saw them live during their tour for this album and was thoroughly impressed. Not so much with the new one. Usually I give an album at least 5 spins all the way through before I pass judgement. This one I gave more than 5 because I couldn't accept the fact that I just didn't enjoy it that much. I saw them live a couple months ago and left early. Not good. Is it me? People seem to like this new stuff but I could never seem to latch on.

Next up was Switchfoot's Vice Verses. I am very biased with this band because I have been listening to them since their first album and I have truly loved everything they have ever released. This one was no different. Brilliant title, great guitar tone, killer lyrics and catchy melodies. I'm hooked from the opening riff.

The next week, MuteMath came out with Odd Soul. This was the follow up to Armistice, which was released in 2009. I enjoyed their first two releases, but where this band really shines is their live show. I can't really describe it but it is definitely something worth checking out, even if you don't really like their music. You will at least gain some respect for their musicianship and charisma afterwards (or you won't). This album just doesn't do it for me...either before recording this album, or during, their guitarist left the band for reasons I don't have time researching. That resulted in their bassist recording all the guitars and you can sort of tell. Just because someone can play bass, doesn't mean they can play guitar, and vice verses (see what I did there?). Anyway, I'm a little disappointed with this album but not too down about it because I will still attend any show by them if they are within driving distance.

Almost done...next up was Coldplay's Mylo Xyloto. Stop it with this title. Just stop it. Despite the fact that it is now "cool" to make fun of Coldplay, they consistently have put out music that I, any many others, have enjoyed. I jumped on early with them with Parachutes (validating my right to enjoy their music) and have really enjoyed everything they've come out with. I was fortunate enough to see them live at Starwood Amphitheatre (R.I.P.) about 6 years ago and they blew my mind with their sound and polished setlist. This album...not so much. I like some of it but it feels like they over-thought this one. It will probably grow on me over time but it is nowhere near their last three albums for me.

One out of four? Ugh. This was a bit of a let down but here's the point I'm trying to get across to myself: Just because one of my favorite bands releases an album that I don't necessarily love doesn't mean that I am going to swear off buying their stuff going forward. So what if I spent $10 on something that I'm not completely satisfied with? It's $10. Plus, this band took time to create art and put it out there for everyone to hear. I can always respect that since I have tried to do it on a number of occasions.

I guess the larger point is that music is subjective. You may love 3 out of the 4 or even all of them. I don't care. The only reason I am even writing this is to waste time before my first child is born.


- James

Back in Action

This is not surprising to anyone, I'm sure, but I haven't blogged anything in a while. Whatever. I'm sure the two people that read this (my mother and myself) will forgive me. The reason I'm going to give it another go is my friend started a blog about teaching her two boys at home...they are both under 2 years old. Point is, if she can find time to blog with two little guys running (and laying) around, than I certainly can as well. Her blog is cool and you should check it out if you have young kids or if you plan on it some day. Ok...the next blog will be written right after this one to prove that I am dedicated.

Other People's Songs

I'm not sure how this happened, but I have some theories... I have been playing guitar for 15 years (since the time I was twelve) and I have rarely sat down to learn how to play other people's songs that I liked. When i started taking lessons from Tom Doyle (the best rhythm guitarist I have ever met), he told me that he wasn't going to be one of those teachers who just had be come in, pay my $20, and teach me how to play other people's songs. I, in my infinite 12 year old knowledge, took that to mean that it was a waste of time learning other people's stuff when I should be writing my own. Wrong. What he was saying is that there are a lot of people out there who say they are teachers but that is all they do. I get it now, but unfortunately it has taken me a while to do so. He was a great teacher and I know he was put in my life for a reason. I probably would still be playing to this day but probably not to the extent. I used to play lead over Derek and the Dominoes' Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs, or anything by Hendrix or Stevie Ray Vaughan. I never took the time to figure out why I loved a certain style or song. Now I'm going to start.

So, this blog is going to be a bit different going forward. A Clean Slate sort of takes on a different meaning now but it still fits. I am going to start learning new songs that I either think are a great song, or would be a challenge to play. Now, I have learned other people's songs in my life, I am just starting fresh with some new, and old, ones. Not all of these songs are going to be really difficult or mind blowing, I just need to start somewhere. I also may have learned these songs a while ago, but I'm going to really dive into them and figure them out for real this time.

I'm shooting for at least one per week but who knows. I will try to post a link to the song or video so you can at least hear what I'm talking about. I really just want to get better every day as a guitarist instead of being satisfied where I'm at. I know some of you that play guitar and are reading this are rolling your eyes or thinking "No, kidding, That's what you're supposed to be doing!" Give me a break! I'm still young!

If you have any suggestions or thoughts on a song you think would be cool to learn, or have learned, just let me know. I am open to ideas and just want to keep learning all different styles and riffs. Yeah! I'm excited. here goes nothin...

Gullible's Travels

So, yesterday we were minding our own business when we get a rather aggressive knock on the door. It is a girl who says she is selling magazines to earn points to go to college. Seemed rather harmless. It got more and more fishy as the next 20 minutes unfolded. Her story started crashing into itself by the second. Of course, while this was happening I felt that everything wasn't on the up and up, but we still ended up giving her money...I'll get to that.
She said that this is the third "contest" she has done and she knows all the best ways to get people to fork her over some cash. She can earn triple points if you donate the subscription, double points if it's a gift, quadruple points if you are stupid enough to give her any money...So we're looking through the list of magazines and I asked her if you had to pay up front. Of course the answer was yes. I told her to go into my bathroom and look next to the toilet. I told her she would find a stack of magazines that have barely been opened. That was me declining. I should have declined for the both of us but we did want to help her out so Lauren picked Interview Magazine out of sympathy for this "poor" girl.
I asked her where she was from and she said "here." That was the first real thing that struck me. She had a Tennessee Volunteers hoodie on...I asked her if she was wearing that so people would give her more money. She said no. Shocker. To make a long story a little longer, she was actually a nice girl. Cursed every so often but relatively harmless as far as we could tell. So I wrote her a check for $53 even, Lauren fed her a homemade muffin and she was on her way.
I quickly looked up the company she gave me, Atlantic Circulation, Inc. SCAM, SCAM, SCAM!!! EVERYWHERE I LOOKED --- "RIP OFF ALERT," "DOOR TO DOOR SCAM,"JAMES CAPOZZI IS GULLIBLE!" That was really there!
I quickly stopped payment on the check. Moral of the story...do this research while the person is in your home so you don't hand them over a piece of paper with your account number on it!!!!!!!!!! Ugh.

No Regrets and No Remorse

I just read an article that saddened me and I'm sure saddens other people when they read it as well. The article is about a guy who "took matters into his own hands" and murdered an abortion doctor and seems to have zero remorse about the situation. He says that "abortion is murder" and I guess his remedy for such a thing was to kill the person doing the killing. Seems logical...if you're 7 years old.
I have many problems with this. Many. But my main problem with this is that he claims to be a follower of Christ. If you call yourself a Christian you are claiming that, right? I mean, that's what I always thought. So here is another "Christian" (I like using quotations...) who is murdering someone in the name of all things holy and he truly believes he is doing the right thing here. Like maybe he should be looked at as someone who is acting courageously and saving many lives because of his courageous act.
He said his anti-abortion beliefs "go hand in hand" with his religious beliefs. He said he became born again in 1992 after watching an episode of "The 700 Club." Side note - Pat Robertson is getting some really bad press lately...He says he has no regrets for his actions. I say that if I even steal a pack of gum from the store I feel guilty about it!

I think abortion is wrong...just wanted to get that out there. I do think this man's actions are just as wrong.

I come away reading things like this (and I know it is not the first time this has happened) feeling more sad than anything else. I'm sad that people like this are giving non-believers the idea that Christians are like this and would be capable of something like murder in the name of Jesus. Even typing that feels really wrong. It really puts you a couple steps back when engaging someone about Christ when they see people like this claiming they fall in line with what you believe. So, how do we combat this? I guess it is an opening to tell people that this really isn't what true Christians believe and to tell them the actual truth. I kind of just look at it as more of a reason to be living the way I know I'm supposed to. That includes my actions when no one is looking.

This is front page news today and I wonder if it would be if this guy didn't claim to be a Christian. I think not.

When will you end these speeches?

I have been going through the book of Job for the first time in its entirety and it is quite the eye opener. I won't get onto my full thoughts just yet because I haven't finished it but I ran across something I found very interesting.

Job is going through a really rough time and God is basically letting him go through all of this because he believes in Job to have the right attitude and pull through it. Tragedy happens to his family and he continues to praise the Lord. It is not until things happen directly to him that he begins to gripe. And boy does he know how to gripe. He does this chapter after chapter, complaining to his friends and to God about what He has allowed to happen to him.

In chapter 18, Bildad,one of Job's friends, says something very interesting and basic to him: "When will you end these speeches?" In other words, when will you stop complaining and just keep your mouth shut? Job goes on and on and has the woe is me thing going perfectly. He is blasting off at the mouth about everything and to anyone who will listen. Even after Bildad says this to Job he is right back at it in the next chapter. He doesn't get it because he is so consumed in what is going on in his life.

When will we (I) end these speeches? Sometimes something will perturb me enough that I will quickly inherit diarrhea of the mouth and start going off. Some of that is from growing up in New England, but most of it is just my tendency to want to get everything off my chest after holding it in for so long.

Choose your words carefully and, if you feel like going off, take a second to realize who is around you and if it is really necessary to get your point across in that way. I am writing this so I will one day come back and read this and take my own advice. This truly is not aimed at anyone but me.

Now I'm just rambling. Seacrest, out.

-- Posted from my iPhone

Synergy

So my brother Dave and I have been reading random books in the Bible and are calling it Synergy. Basically the idea is what the word synergy means. Synergy is the interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects. It is great to be in the Word on your own but to have someone else's perspective and insight is invaluable.

So we are reading 1 and 2 Peter and I came across a pretty hard hitting verse and passage in 2 Peter 2:20-21 "If they have escaped the corruption of the world by knowing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and are again entangled in it and overcome, they are worse off at the end than they were at the beginning. 21It would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than to have known it and then to turn their backs on the sacred command that was passed on to them."

Wow. He is referring to false prophets and teachers but I look at this for everyone. Peter's big thing (and mine as of late) is to live like a stranger in this world. If we know the teachings of Christ, and how He wants us to live, proclaim that we are going to, and then act like everyone else then it is worse than just being someone who doesn't believe. I have always felt this way but this really put it into clear terms. 1st and 2nd Peter are pretty short books but there is some really great stuff in there.

I want to be a person who claims to be a certain way and his actions reflect just that. It is easier said than done but if you truly believe that we are to follow Christ's example than it is the only thing worth fighting for.


JC

Using Your Gift(s)

I have my first practice tomorrow for my church's worship team. I am very excited coming off a great lunch meeting with the worship pastor last week. It just feels right. I have been putting this off for so long and have no idea why. Maybe it was the commitment, or maybe it was just me being shy. Who knows? It doesn't matter now.

I have talked a lot about how using our gifts is such a huge part of our Christian lives and it is really difficult to reach your full potential in Christ if you are not using them. Some people take longer to figure this out. I started playing for my worship team back in Boston when I was about 15 years old. It was a good experience but I was way too young to realize the significance of this. I didn't go to practices and you could really tell. I wanted to rely on my "talent" and just wing it while I was up there. If you want to know how to distract people from worshipping God, do that! Such a bad idea. Well, I am older now and feel like this is really the way I want to use what God has given me. I want to give back and really help people through one of the most intimate of times with God. It is so much more than just playing guitar because I know a pentatonic scale. So much more.

I'm thankful that I am finally ready to do this and am looking forward to all the recognition that goes along with being up on stage (joke). I appreciate everyone's encouragement when I get down on myself about music and I am ready to make a difference for the Kingdom.

Title of Most Recent Blog

It is amazing the impact people can have on your life in a short period of time. I am trying more and more to really pay attention to the people around me that actually take the time to be my friend. These people actually call me and email me and want to learn more about me and usually I act like I couldn’t care less. Why is that? I’m not sure…I think for a long time I have been afraid to make friends because I don’t like people knowing what makes me tick. I like being private and keeping to myself. It’s not that I don’t care. In fact, it is the opposite. This has affected me for most of my life: with friends, with girls, with my family, with school…With everything.

This is also the worst thing you can do with your faith. Lauren and I have been going to a Life Group on Tuesday nights with couples who are around our age and married. I was really shy at first and didn’t say much. I have started to open up a bit and it has helped me with my faith a lot. How can we grow unless we are talking about the things that matter most to us? We can’t. We are stuck with the thoughts that only we share with ourselves. That is no way to grow.

I have met some incredible people this year. People who I hope I will always be friends with and get to know more as the years go by. I have really tried to make the most of these relationships in the time that I have because I don’t know where people are going to be a couple years, or months from now. When I left Boston, I left some relationships with this pattern and they are still incomplete to this day. I don’t want to miss out on things in life because I am so closed off and inaccessible. I’m sorry if I have been this way with you and you are reading this. Please know that I am trying and please bear with me.

Please read my friend Emery’s blog. He has impacted me tremendously in the short time I have known him. He is going to do great things in his life and I am proud to know him and call him a friend.

Distracted from the Distractions

As most of you know, I have the most respect for Jon Foreman that one can have for another human. I was just on his myspace and came across his new blog. He is involved in the Invisible Children cause that is dealing with children soldiers of Uganda. Check it out. Also, check out his new blog on his site and he will tell you more about it. I just thought this quote was amazing:

"One cannot be free while others are in chains. One cannot be whole while others are broken. We cannot run from injustice - in doing so we are running from ourselves.... we would become frauds. Be the real deal.

This is the ironic twist- in caring for others you will become yourself. As you give yourself away you become richer, stronger. My example is the one who gave himself to death so that I might live. Our lives are too short to ignore the pain. It would be a lie to run away."

I can only pray to be this concerned with things that I do not come across directly in my American comfort zone. That is my prayer from this day forward. I cannot continue to pretend that I am doing all I can for the Kingdom by being a "good person." It's far from being enough and it won't leave me fulfilled.


James

Consumerism + Lawsuits = America

Check these out:

Walmart Employee Trampled

Family Sues


This pretty much sums up how I view America today. Needless to say, this is a horrific and unfortunate situation and I pray nothing like this happens to anyone in my family, or ANYONE at all for that matter. Having said that, there are two parts to this:

The first part is the fact that America's pastime, Consumerism, was on brilliant display this year on "Black Friday." I am a person who pretty much hates going shopping unless I know I am going to get something specific and get out. My sister-in-law was in town and wanted to go to the mall at 1 a.m. on Black Friday. Hmm...well, I did it and it honestly wasn't that bad. We left the mall at three, I woke up at 10 and we were back at it. Awful. There were some good deals but nothing that required me to trample over a pregnant woman to make sure I got it. Everyone should be appalled by what happened at this Walmart. It is a tragedy to say the least. Of the 2,000 people there, how many stopped to help and see what was going on? Maybe a handful. How many continued on with their ridiculous day? Most of them.

The next problem I have is that, less than a week later, there is already a lawsuit from the family.

"We’re going to be suing Wal-Mart as well as the owner of the mall, the security company, and we’re contemplating an action against the police and the county of Nassau, although we’re waiting to see what our investigation fleshes out about their involvement."

We knew there would be a lawsuit but I guess I didn't think it would happen this fast, and against that many people! Did they all really have something to do with this? I am not saying I wouldn't do the same thing, and I'm definitely not saying it is not warranted, but isn't it just like us (humans) to look for an opportunity to get something out of our troubles? I mean, spilling coffee on yourself and suing is one thing, but wrongful death?! (JOKE) I'm just saying...People in our society want to make a profit off their hardships and they feel entitled to it most of the time. I'm forming my thoughts on this as I type but I just don't think suing someone for millions of dollars is going to make you feel any better about the situation.

Really I am just saddened at both of these situations. What saddens me even more is when followers of Christ get involved in things such as these two examples. Anyone feel the way I do or am I being insensitive (on the lawsuit part)?

To Be Completely Honest

Why is it that people have to premise certain statements with “To be completely honest,” or “I’m gonna be honest with you,”...? Were they not being honest before they said that? Were they being “partially” honest and now they feel they are being “totally” honest? I don’t get it. Maybe it is a matter of people thinking some statements have much stronger implications and deserve “total honesty.” Why can’t we be honest all the time? Well, I know the answer to that: Because we can’t! We are incapable. So the fact that people feel the need to be “totally” or “completely” honest at certain times is them identifying that they can tell the occasional lie. It is them letting everyone know that they are sometimes dishonest, and this is not one of those times. It is fascinating to me. By the way, there is no such thing as “stretching the truth.”

My Mom always used to say “Nobody believes a liar.” True. I always used to scoff at her when she said it, probably because I had just been caught in a lie. Honesty is a funny thing. Not really, but learning that being honest is a virtue is an interesting process. I am always interested to see what age kids start realizing they don’t have to tell the truth. I suppose it starts pretty young and, depending on how it is handled, it will continue into adulthood. Oh, boy…can’t wait to have kids and have them start lying to me. Not gonna be good for them.

I used to think I was a “good liar.” What?! Why would anyone want to be a good liar? Well, it means that you can deceive people and keep a straight face. Yea, that’s what I wanna be good at. Ridiculous. I guess it is good for poker, but not much else. I just want to be someone who doesn’t seem like they are hiding something all the time.


“A truthful witness gives honest testimony, but a false witness tells lies.” Proverbs 12:17.


Nobody believes a liar! Simple as that.

That's What I'm Talking About

That’s what I’m talking about. You wanna know what I’m about to talk about? Not saying that’s what I’m talking about. I was at a restaurant the other day with some friends and there were multiple football games playing all at the same time. There are positives and some negatives that go on at a place like this. The majority of the people there are rooting for the team of the city that they are in. In this case, it is the Tennessee Titans. There are, however, multiple people watching, and cheering loudly, for their favorite team. This causes some confusion because once people start cheering the natural tendency is to want to know what is going on. There is a lot going on and it takes a lot just to concentrate on what’s going on in your game. Mentally unstable people should not participate in a game day restaurant like this one as their brain may explode and ruin it for everyone else.

So, the stage is set. Everyone is having a great time (if there team is winning) and eating and being merry. Except for the guy who is sitting by himself yelling “That’s what I’m talking about!” after every positive event in the game. First of all, he is sitting BY HIMSELF. He wasn’t talking about ANYTHING and then keeps letting everyone know that whatever happened in that game is precisely what he was talking about. It’s like he is taking credit for whatever just happened by letting people know that he said it first and then it happened. Maybe the reason he is sitting alone is a direct result of what he was talking about and his companion didn’t agree with him so they left.

Look…there are plenty of things you are allowed to yell at any given event. “Yeah!” “Go, Go, Go!” “WHAT?!” Endless possibilities…except for “That’s what I’m talking about.” Do yourself a favor and ease up. By the way…it’s kind of like telling someone they are all that and a bag of chips. Think about it.

One Road Says Hello, The Other Says Goodbye

Hey Hey. Just really bored right now. My wife is gone for the night on a big important thing somewhere that is not Nashville and I just realized that sometimes being alone is not the best place to be. I sometimes have mentioned that I enjoy being alone but I guess I am finding that every once in a while it is not too fun. Maybe this idea of hiding myself away has reached its ending point. I don't know what is going on tonight. It is a strange night indeed. So strange in fact that I am just writing aimlessly.
I have been making some subtle changes to my life in hopes of becoming a better indication that God is at work in my life. Some of the changes are not drastic and some of them are. I recently (within the past year) have made an effort to not fall into the big consumerism ditch. I used to be the person who had to have the best new gadget right when it came out without even thinking about it. I have gotten to where I don't think in those terms at all anymore but this week that old attitude has snuck up on me a bit. I have fended it off and am really trying to stay true to what I am becoming...a responsible adult.

Just a second ago I hit the spell check button and there were no misspellings found. Pretty proud of that.

Goodnight.

Sick of Being Sick?

Why is it that we (men, boyz) get sick and feel like it is the end of our time here on earth? Maybe this is just perception, or maybe this is actually what happens to the majority of us (men, boyz). I am writing this and I am a sick person at this moment in time. I actually, believe it or not, stayed home from work Monday and Tuesday because of this epidemic that is happening in my body. What’s worse is that my wife is not home to take care of me. See, right there is the problem. I get the slightest little stuffy nose and I revert back to middle school and want someone to make Maypo (better than oatmeal) for me. Really all I have is a cold. It feels like lupus but it is obviously less serious than I am making it seem. I am not one who craves attention, and I actually think that I shy away from it…but when I am sick, I want everyone to know about how hard a time I am having just living my normal life.

I took my temperature and, when it said 98.6 degrees, I replied with “Liar!” I don’t know what it is and I really have nothing definitive to say on this matter. Boyz, when women say that men are like children when they get sick, just accept it and keep laying in your own filth on the couch and watching The Cosby Show. For some reason that show is on at all hours during the day. It is amazing though!

Men try to act tough 98% of the time, and then once a chink in their armor hits (headache) they are dying all of a sudden. There is something to that and I totally admit that this goes on. I rarely get sick, and when I do it is a minor disaster. The point is that this will never change. Sorry ladies. I have nothing profound on this matter at all...


Really I am just writing this so you can all know that I am sick at this moment.

This Is Home

So, we bought a house. Huh? I have been married for a year, I’m 25, and I own a house. This is me we’re talking about, right? I just can’t really fathom what is going on here. I moved here 3 years ago struggling to finish school after failing miserably a couple times in Boston. I really am thankful for my wife knowing what she wants (a house) when she wants it (now). If it weren’t for her we would still be renting and for a couple more years.

Now the question is what does this mean for me? Am I supposed to be this successful guy who makes a ton of money and owns a home? Does anything really change other than where I get my mail? I’m kind of confused. I feel like there is this expectation now that I have to make more money or have kids right away or something. These are expectations that have been put on me by ME. No one has ever mentioned any of this to me, I guess it is just the mindset that I have when I think of people owning their own place.

What’s next for me? I really don’t know. I have this music thing going on and a steady job but there has to be more. I want to be someone who is just following where God wants to put him. If an opportunity came up that I couldn’t predict that took me out of this state, or even country, would I be apprehensive because we just bought a house? I don’t know. I hope not.

I guess the point, if there is one, is that just because my wife and I bought a home and we are secure in Nashville and in our positions at work doesn’t mean that this is it. It can’t be. I want to be putty. Send me there. Keep me here. But let me know what it is. I just want to know. The only way to find out is to find out.

Signs

“I just need a sign!” Have you ever said that? Don’t lie to me. You said it yesterday. I believe that God gives us signs on occasion to help us along when we are stuck or really in need of something more. The thing that I have really been struggling with is what we do when we see/hear them. What normally happens, is we think we get a sign, and it is clear as day, but we still question it. It can be right in front of our face a lot of the time and we will still be asking for one! Why do we do this??? We are so worried about having some profound moment happen to us that we miss the subtle one that comes when we least expect it.

I believe that we expect so much and give so little. Why would God give us a sign if we are not willing to give Him five minutes a day? But He is still faithful, always. Signs can come at the toughest moments of our lives. I believe I am in Nashville because God wanted me here. I have told this story to some but it was so profound to me when it happened that I knew what I had to do. I was at a stand-still and I was 22 years old, living at home fresh out of flunking out of school. I was in a slight depression and had no idea where I was going or what I was doing. I attended Inside Out Soul Festival for the last time with my family and, unlike every other year, I only bought one cd. It was Steven Curtis Chapman’s Abbey Road Sessions cd/dvd. Ironically enough, the first cd I ever purchased was King of the Jungle by Chapman. Classic. I got back from Soul Fest and I still felt pretty down. I remember it very clearly…I was driving in my car and decided to watch the dvd part of the sessions in my car (yes, I have a dvd player in my car). So I was listening to Steven Curtis talk about how he was in a similar situation as myself and didn’t know where to turn. What he did was not give up, but he gave in to God’s Word and asked Him for direction. The next scene started out with a crowd cheering, followed by “Hello, Nashville!” It was clear to me. This was a sign. Tears happened and I began to start the process of enrolling in school down here.

Can I tell you that I was right on it after that and all my waking moments were spent trying to get ready to move? No. I can’t tell you that because that is what we do. We see or hear something, clear as day, and we still question it. I still questioned the validity of what I had just heard and felt. I truly believe that God shows us things in multiple ways and He does it in His time. We can ask for signs all day if we want but wouldn’t it be more beneficial to just get in the Word and find out what He is trying to say to us that way? I think we put too much on these “lightning” moments to come, when they are happening every day and we ignore them. We would all love to have a story where God audibly spoke to us and it was clear what our next step was. This is unrealistic. I want to be faithful to what I am supposed to be doing and I believe that doors will begin to open. Will I see them when they are there, or will I still have these blinders on?

Matthew 13:38-39

The some of the scribes and Pharisees said to Him, “Teacher, we want to see a sign from You.” But He answered and said to them, “An evil and adulterous generation craves for a sign; and yet no sign will be given to it…

Reputation

Do you think people have good things to say about you when you are not around? Do you think you have a “good reputation?” Well, how can someone know that? It may be harder to figure out than we think, or it may be quite simple. When I was in Boston, I knew there were people who did not like anything about me. They were, generally, people who watched me date their ex-girlfriends. You know how that goes…we automatically don’t like the person who ends up with someone you used to be with. That is human nature. But, did they really know me? No. They knew a portion of me which was not a favorable one in their opinion. Is there any way to ensure that we will have a favorable reputation? Well, for the most part, yes!
While I was growing up, I heard a lot of talk about reputation, mostly from my Father. He was big into the Capozzi name. He wanted to make sure that his kids weren’t giving the family a bad name. Who wants to be part of a family that has a bad reputation? Nobody. Sometimes it happens. One false move, in the eyes of those watching, can lead to a bad rep. That can be unfortunate because it can be hard to make up for that one mistake. It’s like getting something on your criminal record or your driving record. It takes years to remedy what you have done to make people’s perceptions of you change. Sometimes even time is not enough to change people’s minds about you.
People try so hard to portray a good image of themselves to others. As Christians, we have more than just our name to represent. We have the responsibility of showing people how Jesus lived and who He was and is. That puts a lot of pressure on us since we can never be perfect. We are going to screw up every day and sometimes in worse ways than others. How do you get a good reputation? I don’t know. Like I said, how do you know if you have one. I guess if you are intuitive/perceptive enough, you can realize how people look at you. Basically, you have to stand for what you believe and live by those first two commandments (not forgetting the rest of them). Good luck with this! If all else fails, and your reputation is ruined, move 1100 miles away!

James