Hey Hey. Just really bored right now. My wife is gone for the night on a big important thing somewhere that is not Nashville and I just realized that sometimes being alone is not the best place to be. I sometimes have mentioned that I enjoy being alone but I guess I am finding that every once in a while it is not too fun. Maybe this idea of hiding myself away has reached its ending point. I don't know what is going on tonight. It is a strange night indeed. So strange in fact that I am just writing aimlessly.
I have been making some subtle changes to my life in hopes of becoming a better indication that God is at work in my life. Some of the changes are not drastic and some of them are. I recently (within the past year) have made an effort to not fall into the big consumerism ditch. I used to be the person who had to have the best new gadget right when it came out without even thinking about it. I have gotten to where I don't think in those terms at all anymore but this week that old attitude has snuck up on me a bit. I have fended it off and am really trying to stay true to what I am becoming...a responsible adult.
Just a second ago I hit the spell check button and there were no misspellings found. Pretty proud of that.
Goodnight.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Sick of Being Sick?
Why is it that we (men, boyz) get sick and feel like it is the end of our time here on earth? Maybe this is just perception, or maybe this is actually what happens to the majority of us (men, boyz). I am writing this and I am a sick person at this moment in time. I actually, believe it or not, stayed home from work Monday and Tuesday because of this epidemic that is happening in my body. What’s worse is that my wife is not home to take care of me. See, right there is the problem. I get the slightest little stuffy nose and I revert back to middle school and want someone to make Maypo (better than oatmeal) for me. Really all I have is a cold. It feels like lupus but it is obviously less serious than I am making it seem. I am not one who craves attention, and I actually think that I shy away from it…but when I am sick, I want everyone to know about how hard a time I am having just living my normal life.
I took my temperature and, when it said 98.6 degrees, I replied with “Liar!” I don’t know what it is and I really have nothing definitive to say on this matter. Boyz, when women say that men are like children when they get sick, just accept it and keep laying in your own filth on the couch and watching The Cosby Show. For some reason that show is on at all hours during the day. It is amazing though!
Men try to act tough 98% of the time, and then once a chink in their armor hits (headache) they are dying all of a sudden. There is something to that and I totally admit that this goes on. I rarely get sick, and when I do it is a minor disaster. The point is that this will never change. Sorry ladies. I have nothing profound on this matter at all...
Really I am just writing this so you can all know that I am sick at this moment.
I took my temperature and, when it said 98.6 degrees, I replied with “Liar!” I don’t know what it is and I really have nothing definitive to say on this matter. Boyz, when women say that men are like children when they get sick, just accept it and keep laying in your own filth on the couch and watching The Cosby Show. For some reason that show is on at all hours during the day. It is amazing though!
Men try to act tough 98% of the time, and then once a chink in their armor hits (headache) they are dying all of a sudden. There is something to that and I totally admit that this goes on. I rarely get sick, and when I do it is a minor disaster. The point is that this will never change. Sorry ladies. I have nothing profound on this matter at all...
Really I am just writing this so you can all know that I am sick at this moment.
Friday, September 19, 2008
This Is Home
So, we bought a house. Huh? I have been married for a year, I’m 25, and I own a house. This is me we’re talking about, right? I just can’t really fathom what is going on here. I moved here 3 years ago struggling to finish school after failing miserably a couple times in Boston. I really am thankful for my wife knowing what she wants (a house) when she wants it (now). If it weren’t for her we would still be renting and for a couple more years.
Now the question is what does this mean for me? Am I supposed to be this successful guy who makes a ton of money and owns a home? Does anything really change other than where I get my mail? I’m kind of confused. I feel like there is this expectation now that I have to make more money or have kids right away or something. These are expectations that have been put on me by ME. No one has ever mentioned any of this to me, I guess it is just the mindset that I have when I think of people owning their own place.
What’s next for me? I really don’t know. I have this music thing going on and a steady job but there has to be more. I want to be someone who is just following where God wants to put him. If an opportunity came up that I couldn’t predict that took me out of this state, or even country, would I be apprehensive because we just bought a house? I don’t know. I hope not.
I guess the point, if there is one, is that just because my wife and I bought a home and we are secure in Nashville and in our positions at work doesn’t mean that this is it. It can’t be. I want to be putty. Send me there. Keep me here. But let me know what it is. I just want to know. The only way to find out is to find out.
Now the question is what does this mean for me? Am I supposed to be this successful guy who makes a ton of money and owns a home? Does anything really change other than where I get my mail? I’m kind of confused. I feel like there is this expectation now that I have to make more money or have kids right away or something. These are expectations that have been put on me by ME. No one has ever mentioned any of this to me, I guess it is just the mindset that I have when I think of people owning their own place.
What’s next for me? I really don’t know. I have this music thing going on and a steady job but there has to be more. I want to be someone who is just following where God wants to put him. If an opportunity came up that I couldn’t predict that took me out of this state, or even country, would I be apprehensive because we just bought a house? I don’t know. I hope not.
I guess the point, if there is one, is that just because my wife and I bought a home and we are secure in Nashville and in our positions at work doesn’t mean that this is it. It can’t be. I want to be putty. Send me there. Keep me here. But let me know what it is. I just want to know. The only way to find out is to find out.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Signs
“I just need a sign!” Have you ever said that? Don’t lie to me. You said it yesterday. I believe that God gives us signs on occasion to help us along when we are stuck or really in need of something more. The thing that I have really been struggling with is what we do when we see/hear them. What normally happens, is we think we get a sign, and it is clear as day, but we still question it. It can be right in front of our face a lot of the time and we will still be asking for one! Why do we do this??? We are so worried about having some profound moment happen to us that we miss the subtle one that comes when we least expect it.
I believe that we expect so much and give so little. Why would God give us a sign if we are not willing to give Him five minutes a day? But He is still faithful, always. Signs can come at the toughest moments of our lives. I believe I am in Nashville because God wanted me here. I have told this story to some but it was so profound to me when it happened that I knew what I had to do. I was at a stand-still and I was 22 years old, living at home fresh out of flunking out of school. I was in a slight depression and had no idea where I was going or what I was doing. I attended Inside Out Soul Festival for the last time with my family and, unlike every other year, I only bought one cd. It was Steven Curtis Chapman’s Abbey Road Sessions cd/dvd. Ironically enough, the first cd I ever purchased was King of the Jungle by Chapman. Classic. I got back from Soul Fest and I still felt pretty down. I remember it very clearly…I was driving in my car and decided to watch the dvd part of the sessions in my car (yes, I have a dvd player in my car). So I was listening to Steven Curtis talk about how he was in a similar situation as myself and didn’t know where to turn. What he did was not give up, but he gave in to God’s Word and asked Him for direction. The next scene started out with a crowd cheering, followed by “Hello, Nashville!” It was clear to me. This was a sign. Tears happened and I began to start the process of enrolling in school down here.
Can I tell you that I was right on it after that and all my waking moments were spent trying to get ready to move? No. I can’t tell you that because that is what we do. We see or hear something, clear as day, and we still question it. I still questioned the validity of what I had just heard and felt. I truly believe that God shows us things in multiple ways and He does it in His time. We can ask for signs all day if we want but wouldn’t it be more beneficial to just get in the Word and find out what He is trying to say to us that way? I think we put too much on these “lightning” moments to come, when they are happening every day and we ignore them. We would all love to have a story where God audibly spoke to us and it was clear what our next step was. This is unrealistic. I want to be faithful to what I am supposed to be doing and I believe that doors will begin to open. Will I see them when they are there, or will I still have these blinders on?
Matthew 13:38-39
The some of the scribes and Pharisees said to Him, “Teacher, we want to see a sign from You.” But He answered and said to them, “An evil and adulterous generation craves for a sign; and yet no sign will be given to it…
I believe that we expect so much and give so little. Why would God give us a sign if we are not willing to give Him five minutes a day? But He is still faithful, always. Signs can come at the toughest moments of our lives. I believe I am in Nashville because God wanted me here. I have told this story to some but it was so profound to me when it happened that I knew what I had to do. I was at a stand-still and I was 22 years old, living at home fresh out of flunking out of school. I was in a slight depression and had no idea where I was going or what I was doing. I attended Inside Out Soul Festival for the last time with my family and, unlike every other year, I only bought one cd. It was Steven Curtis Chapman’s Abbey Road Sessions cd/dvd. Ironically enough, the first cd I ever purchased was King of the Jungle by Chapman. Classic. I got back from Soul Fest and I still felt pretty down. I remember it very clearly…I was driving in my car and decided to watch the dvd part of the sessions in my car (yes, I have a dvd player in my car). So I was listening to Steven Curtis talk about how he was in a similar situation as myself and didn’t know where to turn. What he did was not give up, but he gave in to God’s Word and asked Him for direction. The next scene started out with a crowd cheering, followed by “Hello, Nashville!” It was clear to me. This was a sign. Tears happened and I began to start the process of enrolling in school down here.
Can I tell you that I was right on it after that and all my waking moments were spent trying to get ready to move? No. I can’t tell you that because that is what we do. We see or hear something, clear as day, and we still question it. I still questioned the validity of what I had just heard and felt. I truly believe that God shows us things in multiple ways and He does it in His time. We can ask for signs all day if we want but wouldn’t it be more beneficial to just get in the Word and find out what He is trying to say to us that way? I think we put too much on these “lightning” moments to come, when they are happening every day and we ignore them. We would all love to have a story where God audibly spoke to us and it was clear what our next step was. This is unrealistic. I want to be faithful to what I am supposed to be doing and I believe that doors will begin to open. Will I see them when they are there, or will I still have these blinders on?
Matthew 13:38-39
The some of the scribes and Pharisees said to Him, “Teacher, we want to see a sign from You.” But He answered and said to them, “An evil and adulterous generation craves for a sign; and yet no sign will be given to it…
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Reputation
Do you think people have good things to say about you when you are not around? Do you think you have a “good reputation?” Well, how can someone know that? It may be harder to figure out than we think, or it may be quite simple. When I was in Boston, I knew there were people who did not like anything about me. They were, generally, people who watched me date their ex-girlfriends. You know how that goes…we automatically don’t like the person who ends up with someone you used to be with. That is human nature. But, did they really know me? No. They knew a portion of me which was not a favorable one in their opinion. Is there any way to ensure that we will have a favorable reputation? Well, for the most part, yes!
While I was growing up, I heard a lot of talk about reputation, mostly from my Father. He was big into the Capozzi name. He wanted to make sure that his kids weren’t giving the family a bad name. Who wants to be part of a family that has a bad reputation? Nobody. Sometimes it happens. One false move, in the eyes of those watching, can lead to a bad rep. That can be unfortunate because it can be hard to make up for that one mistake. It’s like getting something on your criminal record or your driving record. It takes years to remedy what you have done to make people’s perceptions of you change. Sometimes even time is not enough to change people’s minds about you.
People try so hard to portray a good image of themselves to others. As Christians, we have more than just our name to represent. We have the responsibility of showing people how Jesus lived and who He was and is. That puts a lot of pressure on us since we can never be perfect. We are going to screw up every day and sometimes in worse ways than others. How do you get a good reputation? I don’t know. Like I said, how do you know if you have one. I guess if you are intuitive/perceptive enough, you can realize how people look at you. Basically, you have to stand for what you believe and live by those first two commandments (not forgetting the rest of them). Good luck with this! If all else fails, and your reputation is ruined, move 1100 miles away!
James
While I was growing up, I heard a lot of talk about reputation, mostly from my Father. He was big into the Capozzi name. He wanted to make sure that his kids weren’t giving the family a bad name. Who wants to be part of a family that has a bad reputation? Nobody. Sometimes it happens. One false move, in the eyes of those watching, can lead to a bad rep. That can be unfortunate because it can be hard to make up for that one mistake. It’s like getting something on your criminal record or your driving record. It takes years to remedy what you have done to make people’s perceptions of you change. Sometimes even time is not enough to change people’s minds about you.
People try so hard to portray a good image of themselves to others. As Christians, we have more than just our name to represent. We have the responsibility of showing people how Jesus lived and who He was and is. That puts a lot of pressure on us since we can never be perfect. We are going to screw up every day and sometimes in worse ways than others. How do you get a good reputation? I don’t know. Like I said, how do you know if you have one. I guess if you are intuitive/perceptive enough, you can realize how people look at you. Basically, you have to stand for what you believe and live by those first two commandments (not forgetting the rest of them). Good luck with this! If all else fails, and your reputation is ruined, move 1100 miles away!
James
Friday, November 9, 2007
Tabula Rasa
Do you know Boston James? Well, he is long gone…but do you remember him? He was one of the sorriest people on the planet. Oh man…you don’t remember?! Well, let me refresh our memory. Boston James was the kind of guy who was really lazy and knew it. He loved sleeping in (until 1 or 2 in the afternoon) and staying up until 3 am. He was the kind of guy who made you think he had it all together and he really didn’t. He didn’t call people back because he didn’t like talking on the phone, and that affected many friendships. Boston James did have some great friends though. They accepted who he was and just rode it out.
Then there was Boston James’ love life. Oh man. Really a bad person to try and get in a relationship with and you were lucky to make it to three months. Boston James took everything for granted…he loved playing guitar but would he have ever kept playing if his dad didn’t upgrade his Peavey Raptor to, eventually, a ’62 reissue Stratocaster? Probably not. Would he have ever been in a band that changed his life and forged some great friendships and memories if his mom did not make him join the praise band in high school? I doubt it. Oh yea, and worst of all, he was one of those “Christians” who was living off his parents faith. He was a believer, but was he living it out?
Why is Nashville James bashing Boston James? Well, I am trying to show how blessed I am and the mercy that God has on us all. I see that when I finally gave in to His will and moved to another world, that he really began to show me where to go next. It was not an immediate change, but it felt like while I was driving to Nashville with everything I owned for 16 hours that I was being renewed. Not many people have a chance to completely start over, and I feel like I was given that chance. I said I was not going to date anyone for the first semester at Trevecca and I actually stuck to it! The whole time knowing that my future wife was someone that I hung out with every day. Ask anyone who knew Boston James if they thought I would be married or even have had a meaningful relationship and they will laugh at you.
Take a step back and look at what’s going on. That is something I never did. I never realized the influence or affect we can have on others lives and even our own. Everything we do has a consequence, good or bad. This is not the deepest piece of writing I’ve ever done but I was reflecting today and this is what was going on in my brain head. Boston James is dead.
Then there was Boston James’ love life. Oh man. Really a bad person to try and get in a relationship with and you were lucky to make it to three months. Boston James took everything for granted…he loved playing guitar but would he have ever kept playing if his dad didn’t upgrade his Peavey Raptor to, eventually, a ’62 reissue Stratocaster? Probably not. Would he have ever been in a band that changed his life and forged some great friendships and memories if his mom did not make him join the praise band in high school? I doubt it. Oh yea, and worst of all, he was one of those “Christians” who was living off his parents faith. He was a believer, but was he living it out?
Why is Nashville James bashing Boston James? Well, I am trying to show how blessed I am and the mercy that God has on us all. I see that when I finally gave in to His will and moved to another world, that he really began to show me where to go next. It was not an immediate change, but it felt like while I was driving to Nashville with everything I owned for 16 hours that I was being renewed. Not many people have a chance to completely start over, and I feel like I was given that chance. I said I was not going to date anyone for the first semester at Trevecca and I actually stuck to it! The whole time knowing that my future wife was someone that I hung out with every day. Ask anyone who knew Boston James if they thought I would be married or even have had a meaningful relationship and they will laugh at you.
Take a step back and look at what’s going on. That is something I never did. I never realized the influence or affect we can have on others lives and even our own. Everything we do has a consequence, good or bad. This is not the deepest piece of writing I’ve ever done but I was reflecting today and this is what was going on in my brain head. Boston James is dead.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
A Gift? For Me?!
So, here’s something I never thought would happen to me. Now, even saying this I feel like I am being disloyal to myself and may look back on this and wonder what I was thinking…I have lost some desire to play music. Gasp! Let me explain myself…I will always want some part of my life to involve playing guitar and being creative, but right now I feel like it isn’t there. I can honestly say that I haven’t just “jammed” for a while. “Jamming” is reserved for electric guitar. I play acoustic every day, but in spurts. I don’t know what my deal is. This is particularly disturbing for two reasons:
1. I have a responsibility to play, and write, with someone who is at the exact opposite place in her life. She is all about music right now, and I am all about playing out and writing still, but the drive isn’t what it once was.
2. God has given me a talent, I believe, and I don’t feel like I have honored that to its potential. I feel like God has a will for me, and that a part of that will includes my ability to play guitar and help people worship.
Okay, so this is kind of hard to write and read what I’m writing at the same time. I have never felt this way. When I was asked by Paul Baloche to play with him at a retreat last year, I knew that I was supposed to be doing that. I also felt like praise music was the place to be. It has to be the most rewarding way to play, not only for me, but mostly for the people worshipping. I know that, in some capacity, I need to be playing for the Lord. I have been so blessed to be a part of some amazing experiences that revolved around music. Some of my best memories in life were with my band in high school. There is not a day that goes by where I don’t think of those times and how much fun they were. Will I get that feeling back? I don’t know.
This may not be as serious as it sounds. I am being dramatic. But, all I want to do is play the guitar and use my talents for the Lord. It sounds simple but we need to be in the right mindset for Him to even give us the opportunities He has waiting for us. Granted, a lot has been going on lately, such as, a wedding! There is no excuse for me not to be giving back to God knowing how much He has given me. I will get it back, I know that. I just need to be better about playing for the right reasons. I think I do an alright job with that. I don’t need any glory or recognition for my playing, I really don’t. Maybe from my wife, but that’s it. I don’t care if I am in the 90th percentile in Nashville of decent guitarists. It doesn’t matter. That is not why I play…
1. I have a responsibility to play, and write, with someone who is at the exact opposite place in her life. She is all about music right now, and I am all about playing out and writing still, but the drive isn’t what it once was.
2. God has given me a talent, I believe, and I don’t feel like I have honored that to its potential. I feel like God has a will for me, and that a part of that will includes my ability to play guitar and help people worship.
Okay, so this is kind of hard to write and read what I’m writing at the same time. I have never felt this way. When I was asked by Paul Baloche to play with him at a retreat last year, I knew that I was supposed to be doing that. I also felt like praise music was the place to be. It has to be the most rewarding way to play, not only for me, but mostly for the people worshipping. I know that, in some capacity, I need to be playing for the Lord. I have been so blessed to be a part of some amazing experiences that revolved around music. Some of my best memories in life were with my band in high school. There is not a day that goes by where I don’t think of those times and how much fun they were. Will I get that feeling back? I don’t know.
This may not be as serious as it sounds. I am being dramatic. But, all I want to do is play the guitar and use my talents for the Lord. It sounds simple but we need to be in the right mindset for Him to even give us the opportunities He has waiting for us. Granted, a lot has been going on lately, such as, a wedding! There is no excuse for me not to be giving back to God knowing how much He has given me. I will get it back, I know that. I just need to be better about playing for the right reasons. I think I do an alright job with that. I don’t need any glory or recognition for my playing, I really don’t. Maybe from my wife, but that’s it. I don’t care if I am in the 90th percentile in Nashville of decent guitarists. It doesn’t matter. That is not why I play…
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